Misplaced Energy

That feeling when people speak carelessly about connection while you take it seriously.

Imagine that you were talking to a person. Eventually, they decide you’re not worth being kind to anymore. Sometime after the person has done that, you wind up realizing how their sense of being too highly ego centric means you weren’t truly connecting with them the way that you thought you were. During the era that they cared to talk to you, there’s so much talk of how they truly get you, how they “see your light”, or how much they “feel you”.

Then one day you were explaining something. Anything that was of interest to the both of you. The person takes it upon themselves to misunderstand your wording entirely. With this misunderstanding comes no response from them. No “what do you mean?” or “okay I see what you’re saying here”….nothing. While you offered a statement and showed you were up for the friendly discussion. They were not up for that discussion. At all. They distance themselves and never interact with you again.

Before the discussion ended, during the time while you were trying to have it, You apologize and explain that you didn’t mean for your words to mislead the person into thinking something that you weren’t truly saying. Doesn’t matter though. They’ve already moved on as if they just swatted away a fly and now they’re just almost mindlessly looking for their next moment of comfort that they acted like they found in you.

This kind of experience really leaves a bad taste in your mouth. A heavy weight on your soul that you’re trying to dismiss and move on from. The reason this kind of scenario I had you imagine sticks with someone who has high emotional intelligence is the fact that this type of situation wasn’t just some simple misunderstanding.

It exposes the transactional layer underneath the person’s “friendly” intent and sympathetic language they used to look like someone that will truly stick around for you. A lot of people genuinely love proximity to creative/spiritual energy more than they love reciprocity, consistency, or a real sense of community. They like the feeling of being near someone who’s expressive, insightful, emotionally intense, talented, a “visionary”, etc.

However, the second the interactions with you stops feeding their self image or benefiting them directly, it’s like they were never there in the first place. The gap of silence and emptiness that’s now between the two people can feel like the vast distances between other space objects and Earth. When people who truly wish to care for others go through these things, it feels really isolating like they’re not being seen fully as they wish to connect and see others fully.

As much as the misunderstood person wishes to blame themselves and even move to never fully trust again, it’s important to realize that the person who betrayed their feelings that way did something that says more about their emotional maturity and/or intent from the start than it says about the misunderstood person’s worth.

To be honest, people who constantly speak in positive or spiritual language while showing zero integrity when it comes to basic communication are often addicted to the aesthetic of depth more than having actual depth. Real recognition of another human being’s worth isn’t just sympathy buzzwords fired off at a target they chose for their clout chasing just to discard that person like they were nothing afterwards. It’s consistency. Respect. Presence when there’s nothing to gain from it.

This does not mean everyone who speaks spiritually is fake of course. Yet there’s definitely those types of people online who treats spirituality, empathy, or “soul recognition” like social accessories on a persona outfit. They mirror the language of the truly emotional intelligent back at people because it creates instant intimacy that they can use to get whatever they want.

Then when it’s time to be practical; such as things like support, collaboration, mutual effort, or accountability…they disappear because it’s like they want their performance to end. This kind of behavior I’m covering here hits so hard for people that really care because they actually mean what they say or do when it comes to others. When people who truly care express appreciation or connection, they’re emotionally invested in the sincerity of it.

So, when someone reveals they were operating on a shallow or ego centric wavelength the whole time, it feels violating in a weirdly personal way. The resulting disappointment, disgust, or anger the misunderstood person feels makes sense. It can be hard for the misunderstood person to not fall into the idea that most if not all people engaging or connecting with their work is secretly fake. The better course of belief to take for that person would be sharpening their discernment.

When it comes to who engages, watch for :

• The ones who show great admiration early on when meeting you but are not consistent with it.

• Speak in identity based flattery such as “we’re the same”, “you’re special”, or “I see you” before building any trust.

• Disappear or act awkward or shady when you speak about practicality when it comes to supporting your existence in any way.

• Center themselves in every interaction.

• Treat attention like intimacy.

The people worth keeping around usually reveal themselves more quietly. It feels less like networking or some other kind of performance, and more like casual conversation. Less doing things such as talk that feels like comparing the two of you as people or your skills, and more speaking of each other’s ideas in a reflective and thought provoking way that doesn’t feel like throwing shade.

To the ones who feel like the misunderstood person, I believe that what you’re feeling when encountering those who play in your face is what happens when someone like you has a strong internal sense of sincerity colliding repeatedly with people who believe in a culture that rewards “clean”, palatable personalities, performance, convenience, and self-interest. After enough of this repetition, your nervous system starts anticipating disrespect before there’s ever any sign of it.

Eventually, every disappointment doesn’t feel isolated. it’s like every instance of disappointment in someone’s actions or lack thereof stacks up tall like a tower and it’s hard to suppress the feelings that comes from viewing the shadow it casts over your bright landscape. You’re most likely someone who puts emotional meaning into words, symbols, consistency, energy exchange, etc.

So when people casually mirror the intimacy, admiration, spirituality, or “soul recognition” without the real experience and feelings behind it to back it up, it can truly feel personal in a way that feels like it’s mocking and/or disrespecting you. As if they walked into a sacred space wearing a costume. Your feelings from this disrespect is protecting your heart, but if the armor around your heart hardens too much, it can start turning every disappointment into evidence that humanity itself is full of nothing but frauds.

This is where discernment slowly mutates into hyper vigilance. Hyper vigilance feels wise because it prevents surprise, yet it also quietly isolates you. The goal is not to become less open with your heart…the goal is to stop granting emotional intimacy before consistency earns it.

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